Simply... me.

Sunday, August 14, 2011
Crush

It’s been 6 months. But 3 months-time was all it took to make me act like this. What started from a simple crush, that led to frequent conversations, eventually ended into a heartbreak.
It’s been 6 months, and I’m not over it yet. Maybe you aren’t, but most probably you are.
I didn’t know what you’ve done into me that made me brave enough to tell you honestly how I feel. I’m usually not that vocal. If I could just turn back time and bring back the words I said, and waited for the right time. Or if I could have been earlier enough. Or if I just did nothing. If I could just bring the way it was before. Right. Here I am again thinking the circumstances of what could have been if I did this or if I did not do that. But I couldn’t turn back time. And it sucks. Big time.
I thought there was another chance for me. I was hoping I was the one you were talking about. I was hoping you were just not ready to tell me things. I was hoping you’d tell me someday that I was the one. But it was all hope. I think I gave you enough signs to show you that I care, that I still like you. But I had no answers. If I could just make the first move, maybe I would have done that. But it would really make me look desperate, like what I look like now. But this is not about me begging you to like me again. This is about me venting out my feelings, and this is about me wanting to move on. Maybe writing would make me feel free again. Make me look for love in other people. Make me happy.

posted by Adeline @ 8:27 PM

(0) comment/s

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Sunday, May 15, 2011
blog!

Cybill inspired me to blog often. Hmm. So i'll try to do that from now on. Although it's really unusual for me to blog the things I do everyday. Those that I blog are extraordinary things. And these extraordinary things are usually contained with bursting emotions. So I hope people won't suck up with the stories I tell.

So now, what to blog?

posted by Adeline @ 10:30 AM

(0) comment/s

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Sunday, May 08, 2011
still hoping.

I still hope for the day that I'd meet my man. And i hope that would be soon.

posted by Adeline @ 10:23 PM

(0) comment/s

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Saturday, April 23, 2011
Out of sight. out of mind.

Thanks to Incubus' Adolescents for that so wonderful mantra I have now.

I really can't write anything right now. My mind's a mess. And I don't know what to think. Maybe I should just keep myself busy.

It's time to choose myself, for a change.

posted by Adeline @ 10:21 AM

(0) comment/s

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This is how foolish I am

Written 02.28.11 by yours truly. foolish me. exaggeratedly fool. So here it goes.

It’s always this vicious cycle. I get close with somebody. I fall in love. He gets a gf. I get hurt. When will I ever learn? I thought this time it would be different, cause you’re different from them. I thought this time I found the right man, and not the “gago” I’ve always been attracted to. I thought you were my savior from all this misery. I thought I’d always be happy with you.
At first I was reluctant to fall in love so I just “went with the flow”. You say you’d like me to be your bestfriend and so I was. But you were just this sweet guy who texts me often, who would ask me if already ate or what I’m doing, who would ask me where I am, or where I’m going, who I’m with. And then you would be this strict guy who doesn’t want me to be out that late, ask me to go home if I ever was with a guy, and even say that I should not drink or wear shorts. You give me the songs that you like, and say that I should like them too. The songs I love were totally of a different genre but I’ ve learned to love some songs you gave. You would sing to me over the phone, and that is just so sweet. You never knew how you sweep me off my feet when you do that. You have never seen me smile when you sing to me. You even studied the song that I said I’d like you to play cause I love that song. Ofcourse you didn’t know that I thought of it as a sign, that if ever you play that song then there would really be something. I know that you really cared. You say to me that you need me, and you sometimes call me labs. YOU WERE LIKE A BF. You say “Mahal na kita del promise”. You never knew how I got tachycardic with that statement (okay medical term just search this on the net), and how that got me so weak. But that was not the end of the statement. You say that we’re bff’s. So I hate myself for thinking that way, because what you meant was you loved me as a bestfriend.
But I never really treated you as my bestfriend. You know why? Because I was hoping that there would be something, we would be something. I thought this was a chance that I would not want to miss. Because I’ve already missed a lot.
But then fate really hates me, and it had done what it always does to me. I was afraid that I’d come to this point that I already had feelings for you, I was expecting things, and then this. You’ll meet someone, you’ll like her, and then eventually you’ll be in a relationship. And I was just this bestfriend, secretly or should I say now blatantly inlove with her “bestfriend”.
Someone said, “he’s just not that into you”. Ouch. Wake up call.
So I made this letter because I’m a coward. I know I won’t be able to say all the things when I’m already there. Funny, I just thought that this is so highschool-ish. I reveal my feelings to you through a letter, and then after I won’t talk to you anymore. But no, I do not want that to happen because I cared for you much so I won’t just leave you there. Friendship means a lot to me than anything else. Just please. Don’t make me fall in love with you. I don’t know how you’ll be able to do that. Maybe less text messages? Less calls? No more plans of swimming, watching movies together, or playing badminton together? No more going out? I know that would be hard for you and ofcourse mine, but then if the time comes that you’ll have a gf, it will be so much harder for me. Just this instance that you said you liked a girl “konti”, and I was that cold to you. So what more if you and that girl would be in a relationship, right? For sure I’d cry a bucket, and I wouldn’t want my eyes to be swollen. So don’t be so selfish and think of what I might feel if that time comes.

posted by Adeline @ 9:58 AM

(1) comment/s

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RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME:

- M.D. but not yet licensed
- graduated Doctor of Medicine at Pamantasan ng Lungsod ng Maynila
- was a junior intern at Ospital ng Maynila Medical Center (it sucked btw. lol)
- currently a post graduate intern at DOH-PCHCS Integrated Internship Program
- BS Bio graduate of the University of the Philippines Manila
- turning 25
- still the shy and quiet Maria Clara
- zodiac: Leo
- inexpressive
- loves sundae ice cream
- loves math but wants to be a doctor
- has uber-sensitive eyes
- ~~loves brewed coffee without sugar~~ loves espresso frap
- N.B.S.B. (sad but true--when will this be deleted?)
- optimistic
- procrastinator
- ~~a person who doesn't know how to get mad at people~~
- serious and quiet but likes to be with crazy and loud people
- secretive
- ~~I'm not really into bio~~ I love Biology
- hates cramming but does it anyway
- oftentimes forgetful
- loves to listen to loud rock music when sad
- likes foodtrippin'
- sundae is my temporary relief from sadness/pain/angst
- thinks that being alone is not a bad thing
- dreams of entering UPmed *sigh* wants to have my internship in PGH and residency in PGH or makati med or asian hospital
- believes in God
- i cry when I get really angry
- i get heaves and super puffy eyes when exposed to extreme cold weather/temp
- i hate perfumes/i don't wear perfumes

YOU CAN STALK ME AT:

- blogger
- friendster
- livejournal
- multiply
- twitter